Wednesday, August 25, 2010

In Light of Mosque Controversy Benihana Set to Open Long Awaited Restaurant in Pearl Harbor

With the highly controversial decision to build a mosque next to ground zero engulfing the nation, a party in a quieter conflict may be looking to take advantage of the distraction. With the nation’s attention elsewhere, Benihana, the extremely popular Japanese-style restaurant chain, is reportedly mobilizing to open a long-awaited restaurant in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.

A source inside the Benihana organization leaked to reporters yesterday that the restaurant will have the same menu as all the other establishments including the potentially inflammatory “kamikaze baked potato”.

While there have not been reports as troubling as the anti-American rhetoric allegedly espoused by Feisal Abdul Rauf, Imam of the Ground Zero Mosque, Benihana busboy Daisuke Matahoto has been known to complain of the lack of American generosity as far as tipping is concerned.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, failing to stay uninvolved in yet another hot-button issue, has surprised many in her own party, coming out against Benihana. “I refuse to live in an America that allows the free flow of MSG without any form of regulation or oversight, I support a full investigation into the portions of MSG used in all dishes in all restaurants in this country” Pelosi told a reporter pool Tuesday afternoon, before delving into a fifteen minute diatribe against the evils of Coke a Cola and salty snacks. There have been a number of unattributed whispers coming from the Republican camp alleging that Pelosi’s hatred for MSG is actually linked to the number of times her plastic-surgery botched face has been mistaken for an allergic reaction to the popular East Asian cuisine additive.

Some political analysts believe the Benihana move was orchestrated by the Republican Party as a strategy to tear down President Obama’s credibility. The argument to be made would be that if the President devoted more time to the Ground Zero Mosque than the Benihana conflict (as would be expected), the “Birthers” movement would gain a key piece of evidence that Obama was, in fact, born in a Muslim country and not the Aloha state he is so clearly abandoning.

When asked for his opinion on the Pearl Harbor issue, Vice President Joe Biden told reporters that he has, “seen the movie, but doesn’t care much for historical fiction or Ben Affleck so it would not be right for me to comment at this time”.  When asked about Pelosi’s comments on MSG he responded, “that he hadn’t been to The Garden in a long time, but the Knicks suck, so who cares”.

Benihana is said to be reconsidering its initial intended ad campaign, bearing the tag line: “Prepare yourselves for a sneak-attack of flavor”. President Obama had apparently found the ad humorous and after he was informed that most of the people insulted were middle-class Americans he reportedly laughed harder.