Monday, January 24, 2011

Israeli Society at Standstill Due to Journalist’s “Writer’s Block”


All important issues facing the nation of Israel were put on hold today when it was officially announced that E-TONE journalist Doni Kandel “is suffering from a severe case of “writer’s block””. The improbability of Kandel being able to lampoon significant events in order to give people a fresh and unique view of the world during these scary times has convinced most important political and social leaders to put any important activities on hold until the writer’s wit and creative mojo returns.

Opposition Leader Tzipi Livni told reporters that she had penciled in a large chunk of airtime today dedicated to “a plethora of new nasty things to call Ehud Barak for abandoning the Labor Party but I was forced to cancel when I was informed that the only jokes Doni would be able to come up with would conflict with his political viewpoint. I was loath to put him in that position so we will have to reschedule.”  She did however mouth to reporters that Barak is a “cow”.

Yesha Council President Dani Dayan also withheld the announcement of new construction in a number of settlements in Gaza and the West Bank. “I really feel for the guy,” Dayan expressing his sympathy for the obstructed Kandel said Monday, “I mean once you’ve heard one Gaza Strip joke you’ve really heard them all.”

Ehud Olmert, when news of the journalists mind being caught in a literary vise reached him, was reportedly seen repeatedly doing “the wiping the sweat off the forehead” motion in relief (also known as "phew"ing). “It looks like I really picked a good week for reports of more fraud, plus that I tried to trade 98% of Israel away, to come out at the same time,” Olmert said gleefully on the steps of a Tel Aviv court house.

Kandel, when asked about his recent struggles, tried desperately not to put too much pressure or blame on himself. “You have to cut me some slack here; unfortunately, it has not been a big week for Anti-Semitism.”

Although some believed this very article would get the writer out of his writing funk it now appears that he has again hit a mental roadblock. Wait a minute, mental roadblock…IDF roadblock…there’s a joke here somewhere…and its gone.

It remains unclear when the fog will lift for Kandel and E-TONE will once again be up and running normally, however, all this reporter knows is…that he can’t figure out a clever way to end this article. The end(?).

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