Friday, March 12, 2010

Biden Visits Israel; His Foot says it is “sick” of staying in the VP’s Mouth; Considering King David Hotel for Future

After a tumultuous trip to Israel this past week, U.S. Vice President Joseph Biden’s Foot is apparently fed up with the accommodations. The former senator’s right walking appendage shared its frustrations with the Israeli media Thursday night, complaining that “he was sick and tired of the poor amenities in the VP’s mouth. I hear the King David Hotel is far more conducive to diplomats and their walking apparatus”.

This is certainly not The Foot’s first lodging in a Joe’s Mouth Hotel and that may have contributed to the outburst. “I had just recently stayed in [a Joe’s Mouth Hotel] when I was on the senate floor (literally). The Vice President keeps holing me up in there. Last week he forgot he was miked-up, let it slip that he pretty much just sips Mai-Tai’s on Pennsylvania Avenue all day long (seriously this is not a joke, click this link if you don't believe me), and the next thing I know “here you go Mr. Foot, that will be room 1 on the 1st floor, thank you and enjoy your stay at the D.C. Joe’s Mouth Hotel!” Enough is enough!” An official list sent out to the media by the VP’s office Friday listed a number of other grievances, such as: “The Big Toe feels it is too far a walk to the market,” (presumably the Machane Yehudah Marketplace) and that, “The Middle Toe was unsatisfied with the catering, specifically the roast beef” (His Small toe was not available for comment, as it had just ran all the way home a few hours earlier).

Attempts to reach the VP’s mouth have been unsuccessful thus far, due to the Vice President’s returning to his cocktail-sipping…errr…I mean the Senate Floor deliberations, so the straw that broke the camel’s back remains unknown for the time being. However E-Tone has received a tip that the Vice President’s Foot was irate after Biden’s speech at Tel-Aviv University (in which he hastily and harshly condemned Israel while also claiming to love and support it absolutely) because his place in the Mouth smelled like "Bull excrement".

While this public condemnation appears to cast doubt on future bookings of the VP’s mouth, not all of the Vice President’s body is financially suffering after the Middle East visit. Since Thursday’s speech, thousands of Israeli’s feet have called to inquire about vacancies in the Vice Presidents ass.


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