Wednesday, March 17, 2010

End of an Era? U.S. Unfriends Israel on Facebook

First, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reamed out Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu on Friday for almost an hour. Then Israeli Envoy to Washington Michael Oren declared relations between Israel and the U.S. in a crisis not seen since 1975. Now, in the most telling move to date, America has “unfriended” Israel on Facebook. Israel realized it was no longer friends with America early Tuesday morning when it was unable to see pictures of a crazy party it had heard America had gone to two nights earlier.

Facebook, the highly popular social networking website has been an efficient barometer of international relations in recent years, used by diplomats and political scientists alike. Just two years ago the country of Georgia began to mobilize after spying that Russia wrote a nasty joke about it on France’s “wall”. More recently, as a practical joke and as a sign of protest against The Obama Healthcare Plan, Glenn Beck “tagged” President Obama in a picture of Joseph Stalin. Reportedly Sarah Plain “likes this”.

Israel put America in an awkward position earlier this year when Dubai posted a video on Facebook of what appears to be Israel “poking” Hamas while logged into England’s account in a Dubai hotel room. America is very weary of getting on Dubai’s bad side seeing that the United Arab Eremites has over 1,000 friends, and according to Dubai Police Chief Dahi Khalfan Tamim “almost all of them requested us, I swear”.

Additionally Rahm Emmanuel is apparently irate over a message Israel wrote on his wall last week. According to sources close to the Chief of Staff, Israel asked Emmanuel how it went with “that blonde he was chatting up at the bar last night”. Emmanuel was allegedly livid and could be seen stomping around the White House muttering about how “that’s TOTALLY something you send in a message”.  

Israel has considered “refriending” America but they are not getting their hopes up. President Shimon Peres told E-Tone that “we are not going to be disillusioned. We know that the only thing more unappealing than a “refriend” is when you get a friend-request from a parent! So now we play the waiting game”.
Israel cannot afford to lose many more friends on Facebook. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is reportedly just a few people away from getting the 1,000 members desired for his “I bet I can find 1,000 people who think the Holocaust was a Zionist ploy” group.  

The tenuous relations will reach a new level of awkwardness in April if America, friend or not, balks on writing a Happy Birthday message on Israel’s wall, though America has set themselves up for  plausible deniability since the birthdays of non-friends are not displayed on event calendars. However, Israel is unlikely to accept that answer. Defense Minister Ehud Barak noted that “even though we may not be in their events they will for sure see all the other UN members writing Happy Birthday in their “News Feed” so give me a break”.  

UPDATE : The situation may have just gotten worse. Vice President Joe Biden just posted on his twitter account: “Made Bibi wait 90 minutes for dinner. LMFAO”. Bibi has apparently responded with a somber “FML”.


  1. Very nice, Doni. Like a nice Cab, your bitter notes have matured well with age.